Feeling

Hey~ Right here, right now, Imma posting things on my mind.

I have so much feelings today. Happiness, shock, upset, crying even scare. I discover my life is fulled of... Darkness I would say. I see things through my heart, neither my eyes nor brain. I feel them.

As usual, reading friends' updated posts which I follow. Oh... I read something. That shouldn't happen in this way, yet it just happened. I accept it, with no side on which. I'm not in the situation. I'm away from it. God bless me.

I saw someone's pet, Guinea Pig. Damn cute. I'm quite excited to see it. Yet, I saw something which makes my heart pain like hell. That's what I said, "There will be a negative thing when there's a positive thing". I came here, alone, with someone's accompany and promises. I got lots of friendly friends, got an excellent result. On the other hand, I lost the person who inspired my heart, inspired my soul, my way.

I found my secondary friend's blog, from a friend's blog, yeah, friend. She wrote what she thought, what she wanted to write. She's right. I should do so.

Speaking of this.

Someone, always write the post said sth like the failure or the damn worst life in the past he had. Maybe... He just felt it that way. But what about me? Look at me. Am I happy enough everyday? Am I keep on smiling to people while my heart is empty? What kinda failure of me own now? I doubt. I've never think of situation of me right now. NEVER! Who makes my life sucks? Yes, he is. But I never put a blame on him. Because it wasn't his fault all the ways. Now, who made his life sucks? I guess, the answer is ME. I did apologize to him, of making his life sucks! The lost that he gained coz of me, I apologized. Yet, think of this. Who started it? Him. So I don't think I should blame myself on that. That isn't all my fault. And so, he doesn't blame me.

LIFE

I've totally missed it up. I don't know how life means to me. With these examinations, assignments, tests, coursework, tutorials...??? or shopping, singing, talking, chatting?? or simply just money??? I've no idea.

What I know is...

I don't like this. Miss the destination of my life, what's the purpose of me continue with my things now? Which way I should go? I've used to let him to make decision for me. And now, I have to decide it by my own.

Which way I should go?

Stay?
Kampar?
Other colleges?
Oversea with scholars?

Who can tell me? No one...

I don't like the way I'm living now. I meant it. Just like... Meaningless. No destination. Soulless. Heartless. Silly...



WAP exam is on tomorrow, morning, 9am. I haven't finished study. Tutorials haven't been touched. Yet, I'm still blogging now. What to do? I've completely no mood to continue. Totally mad. Crazy on him thoroughly. What am I doing? Who is he? And who am I?

God... I'm lost again. Please guide me back to the way I should. Not the original way. Since You've got him away, just take me away from the way too. I don't wanna stay on the same street. You know I don't meant it, but You know I have to.
God... I know You can hear me. Bless me, please. You know what I say, what I want.


End