Feeling (2)

I reached home at about 5am yesterday. Damn cold in the bus. The air-conditional is straight blowing the wind to me and my mum. =.= I've bought a wrong seat... So, nextime i wont be choosing 9A and 9B, neither other odd numbers' instead. Damn cold! Just feeling freezing all the times!

Today, I tidied up my "rubbish" room... Threw lots of clothes and things away. There's many useless things in my room... such as : power ranger cards. =.="' it is a very long time story's things... I will tell this grandma's story to my grandchildren perhaps...=.="'

Just ate my dinner in my cousin's restaurant... Well, the food was tasty! Delicious! hehe~ This is the first time I ate there, since he opened the restaurant. It is located at Kuala Perlis. =)

Back to here, when passing through my dearest secondary school, some sweet and sour memories gone up in my mind. I miss my dearest classmates. Cynthia, Nadiah, Aina, liyana... I miss you guys alot... And sure I miss the "teacher", yan... haha! Maybe will gotta see her soon during cny, but not sure with it. Of course him too. You know what, I got a feel like, wanna call her mum during cny just to wish her "happy chinese new year"! haha~ Yes, I'm this kinda freeky girl. No choice.

Speaking back about my next station of study... I've still haven't decide yet. I think most probably I will leave. I choose not to stay at tbr of course. Maybe will go to other college or kampar. But, maybe I will continue here and take the 3 months program in oversea.

I don't know why I'm quite wanting to go oversea now. I thought I will not want to go. I think... Maybe because he will be going to US dy. I just want to follow? I don't understand myself too... I'm not putting any hope on my love to him. Just... I don't know. Maybe, I just like things that he likes, do thing that he does.

I will try to figure out what is the best for myself. MYSELF. Not others.

I will try to make the best decision for myself too.

Hmm, I wonder why my contact list in msn doesnt have the address of my new made friend in facebook. ==" completely no idea! I find at the whole list, but he just disappear! -.- He deletes me from his list? But...=.=

Oh ya, mr.Peh said that many will fail the course. This is the damn sad case. I don't know why he said like that. Seem like he's so disappointed, maybe he still have to set resit paper. Poor mr. Peh. Hopefully I won't get a bad result for it...

Tomorrow I'm going out again. 8am, my mum told me, at this time she will wake me up. =( mum, so early? yes, she wants to take body check report at Menon. And soon will going for a shopping at the morning market... Will be a very hot day. =( Then will bring grandma to S.P. hehe~

That's all for today.

He said : Sometimes, you've got just to be mature. Sharing sadness is not a brilliant idea after all . I dont know whether he's pointing to me? hmm, but whatever.

Feeling

Hey~ Right here, right now, Imma posting things on my mind.

I have so much feelings today. Happiness, shock, upset, crying even scare. I discover my life is fulled of... Darkness I would say. I see things through my heart, neither my eyes nor brain. I feel them.

As usual, reading friends' updated posts which I follow. Oh... I read something. That shouldn't happen in this way, yet it just happened. I accept it, with no side on which. I'm not in the situation. I'm away from it. God bless me.

I saw someone's pet, Guinea Pig. Damn cute. I'm quite excited to see it. Yet, I saw something which makes my heart pain like hell. That's what I said, "There will be a negative thing when there's a positive thing". I came here, alone, with someone's accompany and promises. I got lots of friendly friends, got an excellent result. On the other hand, I lost the person who inspired my heart, inspired my soul, my way.

I found my secondary friend's blog, from a friend's blog, yeah, friend. She wrote what she thought, what she wanted to write. She's right. I should do so.

Speaking of this.

Someone, always write the post said sth like the failure or the damn worst life in the past he had. Maybe... He just felt it that way. But what about me? Look at me. Am I happy enough everyday? Am I keep on smiling to people while my heart is empty? What kinda failure of me own now? I doubt. I've never think of situation of me right now. NEVER! Who makes my life sucks? Yes, he is. But I never put a blame on him. Because it wasn't his fault all the ways. Now, who made his life sucks? I guess, the answer is ME. I did apologize to him, of making his life sucks! The lost that he gained coz of me, I apologized. Yet, think of this. Who started it? Him. So I don't think I should blame myself on that. That isn't all my fault. And so, he doesn't blame me.

LIFE

I've totally missed it up. I don't know how life means to me. With these examinations, assignments, tests, coursework, tutorials...??? or shopping, singing, talking, chatting?? or simply just money??? I've no idea.

What I know is...

I don't like this. Miss the destination of my life, what's the purpose of me continue with my things now? Which way I should go? I've used to let him to make decision for me. And now, I have to decide it by my own.

Which way I should go?

Stay?
Kampar?
Other colleges?
Oversea with scholars?

Who can tell me? No one...

I don't like the way I'm living now. I meant it. Just like... Meaningless. No destination. Soulless. Heartless. Silly...



WAP exam is on tomorrow, morning, 9am. I haven't finished study. Tutorials haven't been touched. Yet, I'm still blogging now. What to do? I've completely no mood to continue. Totally mad. Crazy on him thoroughly. What am I doing? Who is he? And who am I?

God... I'm lost again. Please guide me back to the way I should. Not the original way. Since You've got him away, just take me away from the way too. I don't wanna stay on the same street. You know I don't meant it, but You know I have to.
God... I know You can hear me. Bless me, please. You know what I say, what I want.


End

太王四神记

This drama. I thought it's hong kong drama and so i download it. then...

== korean song at the beginning. get Boom. =.= anyway, this drama is quite nice. And i'm glad that I downloaded a Cantonese's version. just assume it as hongkong's drama.haha!

And, the end song is legend from liu li yang and lin you jia! Finally i found the drama of the song.haha!

一个人就好 - 刘力扬

词曲：徐旻铃 编曲：郑楠

街 挤满了欢笑
太不适合 眼泪凑热闹
快跑 快寻找 无人的转角
不优雅时候 一个人最好

爱 说退就退潮
我松开手 回忆却没放掉
未来 不来了 地球 继续绕
躲回温暖的梦 我一个人就好

为什麽 越相信谁能依靠
越换来 又一次灵魂寂寥
有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药
如果说 越踏出世界一脚
越不能 保留住天真微笑
那从今以後 我一个人过 就很好


心 很平静地跳
只是寂寞 潜伏像海啸
突然某一秒 偷袭我眼角
眼泪自己擦掉 我一个人很好

为什麽 越相信谁能依靠
越换来 又一次灵魂寂寥
有没有永远 再不会让心绝望的解药
如果说 越踏出世界一脚
越不能 保留住天真微笑
那从今以後 我一个人过 就很好

想说…… (2)

我心里的那一位,
希望你听到我心中澎湃的呐喊。
呐喊着：
“我很想你。想你受过伤的手牵着我的小手。回忆你对我说我爱你的那一刻。”

能容许我，在你的心里，在你的生命里……
留下一点点足迹与回忆吗？


这……将是我最幸福的事。

想说……

如果这世界只有我和你，而没有他/她。那一切都会变得不一样。一切都会因为我和你而存在。也只有我爱你，或我恨你。没有我爱他，我恨他。

风

风，一个字，让我想到好多……

第一个字当然是陈诗莉的歌，那首《风》。
然后想到中学的学长，《沣》。呵呵……这位学长……我忘了怎么认识他。但妈妈好像也认识他妈妈。而且，他是霖的亲戚。他很会写作。黑黑的。戴一副眼镜。满口都是道理。有时还真的很想更认识了解他。更想懂他的感情世界呢！因为我从来没听他说关于“女朋友”这三个字。

嗯~就这么多吧暂时。

说回正题——风

今天起身后，把昨晚浸湿了的衣服洗了洗，到天台去晾衣服。虽然那时候出的是大太阳，但是感觉很凉快。一阵阵风吹过，脸颊被它吻了好多下。呵呵……象征着春天的到来。

春天，就是新年啦！新年，我们这些小辈的，当然是开心咯。有得吃有得喝，有得穿新衣，还有得拿红包！呵呵~长辈就不好咯……要招待远方亲戚，要给小辈买衣服，还要派红包。派红包不是重点，重点是包红包。哈哈！

今年的新年很特别。因为和情人节同一天。但是每次一提到情人节，我的心都会隐痛。嗯……不说这些。新年嘛~开心就好！=)

=( 不好了。我又想起一些不该回忆的东西。不不不！不准想……=(

要感谢他才对。感谢他妈妈那封红包。让我那么快乐的一封红包。^^ 那封红包，还原封不动哦！哈哈~很好笑吧？放久了，都没有想要去动它。也没打算要解封它……

嗯……风……总是轻轻的让我的心情好起来。很多人爱看天空。我也喜欢。但我更喜欢风。因为……它可以吹走我的不快乐。让我感觉好多了，凉快了！

废话一句：不知道我的老公会不会叫作feng啊？哈哈！但是千万不要是疯啦！呵呵~

好啦~没什么说了。就这样吧！风，我喜欢你。=)

糟糕的自己

唉~现在不是应该在读书吗？可是手却放在滑鼠上不停地click……唉！没心，真的没心。真讨厌这种感觉。头脑想的都是他……心里想的也是他。搞什么啊？！有时真的是想想回去，如果我从来都没有恋爱，不是很好吗？至少我的初吻还在！（这句是废话）至少我每次要读书的时候都不会想起他。更不会因为他，每次都搞到自己好像死人一样。都是那个姚立彬啦！不对哦~姚立彬也是他介绍我认识的。所以话说回来罪魁祸首都还是他。=(讨厌讨厌讨厌啦！

怎么自己那么懒？而且好没上进心。=( 真想要像他一样……哎哟~怎么就是要佩服他？够了好不好？T.T 他每次都要窜我。所以就让我那么欣赏他。唉~现在要找一个像他那么有内涵的人应该不容易了吧？看到他现在那么好。我证明了自己。证明了我的眼光真的是对的。哈哈！还笑得出~=( 不好笑！T.T

好懒啊！唉……我好像叹气很多次了。对啦～都不知道我几时才能恢复好像以前那么快乐。=(　以前真好，没什么好烦的。心也不会不时隐隐作痛。

最近有一首ALin的新歌，《现在我很幸福》。这首歌好像是在跟她以前的男朋友说的话。“可是爱有时善良 有时残酷 我要如何 爱他像爱你那样义无反顾”这一句。是不是代表着，现在跟你在一起的那一个，不一定是你最爱的？也许吧~很多时候，当你终身伴侣的那一个，都不是你一生中最爱的那一个。不是吗？

好累哦~=( 不是身体，是心……爱一个人真的好累。更何况是已经回不去的爱。有时真的想按一按reset button。但是他都不让我按了。=(

哎哟~看着calculus，那个什么converge来diverge去。什么屁都不知道~还有那个什么maclaurine series？=.= 很显咯~看到就显！！！=.=

=( =( =( 一个字“烦”，第二个字“显”。

>< 肚子痛~暂时这样。再见了！

陈诗莉 - 风

词:许常德 曲:kenn


风要我迅速撤离
它要我离开你
它要我成全你们在一起
重伤的爱情凝不成泪滴
无语 嗯

风曾带我到天际
在那里遇见你
主宰的你掌握一切魔力
剎那间我从云端坠落到 无靠无依

风看过爱的叱咤
也见过我的崩塌 好伤
你背叛你的牵挂
我以为我会害怕 我不怕

风要我把你放下
别让恨变成代价 算了吧
你让我一夜长大
见识到人性真假
想说的话找不到人说话
风静静吹着我的心 成流沙


风曾带我到天际
在那里遇见你
主宰的你掌握一切魔力
剎那间我从云端坠落到 无靠无依

风看过爱的叱咤
也见过我的崩塌 好伤
你背叛你的牵挂
我以为我会害怕 我不怕

风要我把你放下
别让恨变成代价 算了吧
你让我一夜长大
见识到人性真假
想说的话找不到人说话
风静静吹着我的心 成流沙

风要我把你放下
别让恨变成代价 算了吧
你让我一夜长大
见识到人性真假
想说的话找不到人说话
风静静吹着我的心 成流沙

Random post

Hey... This is my first post in 2010. Happy new year everyone, though it's quite late to wish... No choice. I've been too busy these days, with homework and also my cousin's wedding.

Speaking about homework. Sucks WAP assignment. Really sucks. It is really out of my expectation. Well, I don't say it's very difficult but it's NOT AN EASY task. Been trying all ways to solve the problem but the problem still exist. Okay, I've given up, whatever. =.=

Just to say sorry to ks, for what I've done for her, I don't know how does it don't work. From my opinion, it's database RESERVATION table's fault. Not sure. coz I've been checking the codes for a long time on it, until forgotten to edit my code after changing the due date attribute's position, which causing the stupid problem during the presentation. Again, whatever. What has passed is passed. Don't care on it anymore. But still, I'm quite proud of our assignment. Though it's not 100% success, but it reach the level that I want to. So, I'm highly appreciate my group members' cooperation on this assignment.

I know during the assignment, all of us really not very happy of it as the assignment is not that easy. Just forget it~ We are the best. All of us. and for group 2, thanks for giving attention on the assignment which makes our assignment complete on time. And of course I appologize for any HIGH VOLUME's words. Last but not least, thanks to pui teng for taking over my task to combine the works.

Now, talking about my cousin's wedding. I realise something which is really...=.= I'M FAT!!!! T.T

Somehow, I gonna keep fit now. Really have to! I don't wish to be a fat girl k? Sad thing. T.T

okok, back to the wedding. The best part of the wedding is... the performance of my cousin. Wow! Wonderful! I just can say "EXCELLENT"! The song actually doesn't sound very nice. But he made me feel that song really nice! I've recorded the video, but the sound effect is not that good. and, one thing... My dad went up stage to say this say that.=.= Oh, that video is not that good with that. -.-

2010... A new year starts. It has been more than one year. Yet I'm still on the same street. Guys, I know what I should do. I just can't go away from there. Could somebody just pull me out of there? I need help.T.T

Hopefully I can get blissful in this year. What I mean is totally don't care about him. I hope, though I can't. =(

Oh ya! Make a wish...
lalalala~~~erm... see this.

God.... I wish....my friend....

yf, ks, hd, wy, kaka, faster faster get a boy friend! wahahaha!

sc,long and the groups, lew and groups, wl, kk, ch and others... happy always and get satisfy point for CGPA.

sharon, aiwen, yenshan, mika, and others who are in coupling, blissful with partners. =)

cw, fy, ys and ... sl... luck is always by their sides. My secondary schoolmates. Yeah, schoolmates.

Ashli, man hooi, shen sien and talvinder, all the best in new year.

yk, faster recover and back to study. God bless you!

gor gor, get high CGPA and blissful with gf. hehe~




For me... Still the same. I wish my family is blessed and safe. For myself, the first one, is already no mean, and will not come true. Just forget it....
Second, I wish to stand on the stage, perform my favourite songs to audience.


Alright. Done wish making. wahaha! I'm so greedy that I made so much wish. hehe~ It's okay I guess. God is fair to everyone. God loves me too. ^^


All the best to you, my dearest blog readers. ^^